We could do a show about how smart people dying, but how the dumber half dies has proven to be much more fun. Who else but dumb people could die by fireworks out the butt, doing magic wrong, swallowing a load of death, or being outsmarted by a rabbit?
|Death #||Event Name||Date||Place||Circumstances of Death|
|226||Elmer F****ed||July 29, 2006||Rooter's Patch, West Virginia||
A hillbilly is wandering through a forest, looking for something to kill for dinner. He spots a very large rabbit (possibly a Flemish giant) standing in a clearing. He takes aim with his rifle, but the rabbit spots him, blows a raspberry at him, then runs off. The hillbilly follows. The rabbit ducks into a thicket of bushes. The hillbilly follows and emerges from the other side, over a 300-foot drop. The rabbit pokes his head out in time to watch the hillbilly fall to his death.
|95||Just A Suggestion (aka Red, White, And Blew)||July 4, 2005||Boston, Massachusetts||After being told to "Blow it out your butt," a guy gets an idea on how to celebrate Independence Day; light and launch fireworks from his buttocks. He manages to successfully set off several devices from his buttocks (roman candles, sparklers, even a six-pack of bottle rockets) without harming himself. Blindly reaching into his fireworks stash, he pulls out an illegal M-80 firecracker. With an explosive force equivalent to a half-stick of dynamite, the M-80 obliterates the lower half of his body.|
|183||Aerobic-chide||May 26, 1994||Miami, Florida||A female aerobics instructor, notorious for exercising men to near death for seeing a new man in her class. After an hour of vigorous aerobics, the man is keeping pace while all the women have stopped. The instructor keeps increasing the pace of the workout, but he man isn't phased. After three hours of strenuous exercise, the instructor drops dead from exhaustion, while the lone man is sweaty but none the worse for wear thanks to his training and experience as a navy seal.|
|480||Disappearing Act||December 5, 2011||Reno, Nevada||A magician is trying to audition for a show, but is so inept he botches the rabbit-out-of-the-hat trick. In desperation, he tries some fire tricks. After lighting a torch and taking a large shot of lighter fluid into his mouth, he finds success in fire-breathing creating two huge fireballs. He tries to extinguish the torch by putting it in his mouth (fire eating), but residual lighter fluid on his face, in his mouth, and even down his throat, sets him on fire and burns him to death.|
|646||Using Your Heads||September 22, 2002||Columbia, Maryland||At an all-day, outdoor heavy metal festival, mushers keep the infirmary tents busy mostly with cuts and bruises (though a woman had a slight case of heat exhaustion). Things get dangerous when a band called Terror Manufacturers take the stage. During their set, two mushers charge each other and collide head-on, cracking their skulls and snapping their necks.|
|663||Bite Me! (aka What A Pain in the Neck)||October 31, 2003 (death occurs in 2010)||New York City||A girl believes she is a vampire and bites a man on the neck. She misses his corridor artery and jugular vein, but the man has HIV, the AIDS virus. Seven years later, the girl has full-blown AIDS and dies of related complications.|
|334||Trigger Crappy (aka Do A Barrel Blow!)||July 26, 2007||Baton Rouge, Louisiana||A gun shop that specializes in custom-made firearms is asked to create a grenade-launcher-Gatling gun. They build a prototype and take it out to a firing range to do a live test with it. They try to fire a single 40 mm grenade, but the weapon malfunctions. The grenade jams in a barrel then explodes destroying the prototype and sending lethal shrapnel into the builders.|